- 1/8/14 - 

Letting go of preparing for things is the scariest thing I've ever done. And I'm experiencing that fear right now. Right now at 6:31 pm on January 8, 2014 in extremely humid weather, which is not helping, because it's making my hair go nuts and I don't appreciate it. 

But I digress…

I love preparation. And I love performing. But the time in between strikes terror in my bones. But how thankful I am that I don't serve a God who is limited by preparation, performance, or the time in between. 

- 12/25/13 -He is the reason for everything, not just the season. A very merry Christmas to you and yours. Wherever you find yourself today, have a lovely day filled with joy.    Peace to you.

- 12/20/13 -I think when God talks about faith the size of a mustard seed, he's not talking about weak faith. He's talking about strong faith in the mustard-seed sized circumstances. If you believe there is a God, you can move mountains. If you believe He is good, you can move mountains. If you believe He loves you, you can move mountains. If you believe He answers prayer, you can tear down walls and uproot cities. See, the tiny things you believe build up and mold and solidify into a mountain made of mustard seeds. Every thought, every belief, every word is a mountain-seed that is built on faith in even the tiniest and most mundane things about God. Everything is preparing your mountain for the day that wind and rain will come and shake it to its core. My only question is, if we have the strength to move mountains, then why aren't we making mountains that can't be moved?  

- 11/09/11 -

Bring it, fall. The fact that you and winter are the only seasons in which I can actually wear something other than a t-shirt is enough to justify your enthusiastic welcome from me. Buuuuut, you do make me want to perk up all my spaces and go into a redesigning frenzy. I'm still trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  However, you = hot chocolate and cookies by bonfires.You're okay, I guess.  

- 11/02/13 - 

Have you ever really wanted something? I mean really wanted something. Wanted something so much that your chest aches and your eyes well up with tears? 

Well, right now, I want something. 

But the hard thing is, I can't work for it. I can't pay for it. I can't kick and scream and beg for it until my throat is hoarse. It's literally out of my hands. All that stands between me and the thing I desperately want is a one-page letter with a return address in Virginia, and God's plan and purpose. 

This thing, it's not something I can decide. This thing has been the subject of a constant battle between God and me, and it's not that I doubt his power to allow me this thing, it's that I don't know if this is part of his plan for me, and the thought leaves me breathless and sobbing and screaming all at once. 

One time, someone asked me how I am so close to God.

Well, my first instinct was to laugh and say honey it's my pastor dad and a lot of Bible reading. 

But then I stopped. Because that wasn't true. A relationship with God is forged through kicking, screaming, and a lot of crying. A lot of crying. A lot of asking why and how and when and what and wherefore. It's a lot of shaking your fist at the sky then collapsing into bed so hard that you can't breathe. It's a lot of falling down, only to be picked up again by your Daddy and shown how you have no idea, no clue what's ahead. 

And you really do not have even the faintest idea. It's really humbling. 

The journey begins and goes and ends in realizing not that you are nothing, but that He is everything. 

Blessed Saturday friends. He is everything. 

11/01/13

///

There's a simple joy in a fair. Sure, there's deep-fried anything that will make your head spin and stomach churn just thinking about it, but seeing little faces light up when they see a carousel or a ferris wheel is amazing. Or, you could be my nine-year old sister and immediately go towards the "g-force" of doom. Take your pick.

Slowing down like this makes me so happy. I can sit back, slurp on my rootbeer float (holy cow that thing was good), and relive what it means to be content with life. 

But not for too long, of course. The g-force calls your name pretty quickly. 

I'll let you in on somethin' big. I am not a white teeth teen. I tried to join, but never did. The way they are the way they seem is somethin' else, it's in the blood. Their molars blinkin' like the lights in the underpass where we all sit and do nothin' but love it. We got the glow in our mouths. White teeth teens are out.
/// Lorde 

People often want the benefits of a low-commitment relationship with a conveniently distant God...however, how you see yourself mirrors exactly what you believe about what Jesus has done. /// Aaron DaileyOuch.

- 10/12/13 - 

Still trying to grasp the fact that I am a senior and time is slipping by. Seems like yesterday I was starting my freshman year, nervously cracking open textbooks that were *gasp* hard. Time has blurred by and here I am, trying to decide where I should go on a gap year, writing debate cases, still learning to manage my time well, trying to survive in math (ugh). Odd, you know. I never thought I would spend Saturday mornings at a friend's house in the seemingly boring pursuit of deciding if the United States has a moral obligation to mitigate international conflict, but when accompanied by chai tea and some of the smartest people I know, it has suddenly become my pastime of choice. 

Here's to chai and conversation.

minimalism part iii
///
So, how does one simplify? When it comes down to it, what will help you the most in deciding how to live simply is realizing that scanners and big black trash bags are beautiful things. Things that remind you of someone or sometime special can either be scanned into the computer or have a picture taken of them. Clothing that doesn't make you look or feel like the fabulous person you are can be let go of. The six-dozen lotions and creams you have sitting on your bathroom counter? Yeah....those big black trash bags are pretty gorgeous, huh?
See, the hardest part of simplifying is that it is purely individual. What I prioritize is completely different that what you do. Consider this not as a "to-do" list, but an inspiration to live freely. 
Live unhindered. 

minimalism part ii ///
It started with how I traveled. In November, I went to China with a big suitcase and a seemingly bigger backpack. During that trip, as I lugged all my crap around and tried (unsuccessfully) to keep track of it in hotels, I realized I couldn't do this anymore. I came home and swore I would do something about my traveling paranoia. 
This last January, I went to Oklahoma for a week for TeenPact Staff Training. All my clothing, including shoes, went in a carry-on suitcase. Good gosh it was hard. But during my trip, I had everything I needed, and then some. I was hooked on this minimalism business. 
I think we are often held back by our stuff. We hold back from from letting things go that are weighing down our minds because we think that our worth is bound up in our possessions, when nothing could be further from the truth. 
One thing I love about minimalism is that its not about being über organized. Because you could be über organized and still have your possessions hanging over your head like a cloud. It's about releasing that which holds you captive. 
And I love that      

School starts tomorrow. 

And I'm terrified. 

I don't feel prepared. I suppose no one ever does feel ready for the beginning of the end of the four year journey. I guess I probably should have read a few more of my literature books this summer, but oh well. Today is a day for celebrating the last four years of my life, and the years that lie ahead, and also for Netflixing. Especially Netflixing. 

minimalism part i/// During these past few months, I found a love for minimalism.  I realized that I had way too many things I didn't use. Clothes I never wore, papers I never look at, knick-knacks whose giver I had forgotten, bath salts and mysterious lotions I was afraid to use. When I traveled, I was the stereotypical paranoid packer. You know, "what if a snowstorm strikes Florida in the middle of May? I NEED this parka, JUST in case."Clutter leapt from the real world to my digital world as well. Too many social media sites (Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, etc.) cluttered my brain and sucked up my time. I was afraid to delete pictures that were awful, and which had no significance for me. 
In other words, I was a mental hoarder. I didn't stuff my house with junk (although, believe me, my room was a d-i-s-a-s-t-e-r), I stuffed my mind with it. I was afraid to let things go (especially online), and the results were devastating. I wasn't sleeping well. I worked myself up into a sweat over losing ONE follower. I constantly checked Blogger for pending comments and Facebook for notifications and Twitter for retweets and Instagram for likes. An unkind word someone said to me or a mistake I made would roll around in my head for months, driving me crazy. Ugh. 
But then, I found this website. And my eyes were opened. 
part ii coming soon

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. 

///

Mark Twain

Ceux qui tout laisser entre les mains de Dieu finira par voir la main de Dieu en tout.
Those who leave everything in God’s hand will eventually see God’s hand in everything.

home scenes v.i

Preparing for school to begin and summer to end goes against every instinct I have. I have been desperately floundering for some way to get ahead so that the beginning of the school year doesn't make wreak havoc on my sanity. Thank God for tea. And fresh sheets. And rainy days. And afternoons spent in the pool with my sister. And all the little things that make transitions into senior year okay, and even special. Goodness knows I'm ready for some cool weather. 

Some little places I've been enjoying recently: 

+ Humans of New York

+ Everyday Minimalist

+ The Burning House

+ Threading In The Choirs

+ Nathan Williams

Happy Thursday friends! 

"I've been a travelin', travelin'. 

Travelin' a places that I've never been, never been."

- a song I started but never finished

May 
I packed my bags and headed to Tennessee for National Convention, a TeenPact event, which drew over 700 people from around the nation to the Tennessee mountains for a week of fellowship and spiritual growth. I laughed, cried, mentored, was mentored, and was an all-around mess by the time I had to leave. It was fabulous. 
June 
I did my best to hang on to my sanity as I prepared for the SAT, and then headed up to Northern Arizona to camp. 
July 
My family hosted a foreign exchange student (made some siiiiick french food, yo), went up to Sedona, and I roadtripped with some girlfriends to Cali for debate camp. 
August
My family, along with my grandparents, took a two-week roadtrip in our minivan (yes, a minivan) through the American West, making stops in Utah, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, South Dakota, and Colorado. Lord, there were times I didn't think the van would make it, but it somehow survived. It's all good: The vintage posters I got alone made the trip worth it. 

Pro tip - South Dakota antique shops are the literal best. 

It's been four months of roadtripping, late nights, deep talks, laughter, self-discovery, and a push into real life that only technological absence can bring. 

I've breathed deep. 

Hello again.

time to plant the garden!